A man told me about an encounter he had with a UFO in Salida, CO.
The man had gone up to the mountains often, and on this particular night the wind had blown him to Salida, CO. He was camping out. When the man was sitting in his truck with his dog, he noticed something creep into the corner of his eye. When he looked at it, he saw a bright light in the sky. The light hovered over him. It was not the light itself that terrified the man, but it was the nature in which the light moved.
The light shifted in very jerky movement, not as a plane or helicopter. It shifted up, down, and side to side extremely fast and very far. It persisted for a very long time, hovering over the man’s car. The man did not know what to do. He was frozen with fear, and his dog that lay by his side was too. The man thought of ways to get rid of or away from the light, but his headlights were broken so he had to wait until the sun came up to leave. He was stuck there, with nobody around. He thought that if he ignored the light, it would leave. Strategically looking away, he kept the light in his peripheral vision. The light stopped hovering when the man looked away from it. The light knew that the man was there and was watching him, and the man knew that the light knew he was there. When the man would look at the light it would seem to harass the man, shifting at great speeds toward him and side to side. Then it would shoot up higher in the sky, and would come down again. It was as if the light was trying to frighten the man. As soon as the sun came up, the man turned on his car and Frank Sinatra’s Take Me to the Moon was playing.
The man’s grandfather had also encountered a UFO in Salida, CO. When the man’s grandfather was driving home from a business trip, he saw a saucer that touched the ground. The saucer was very large and it had bright red, blue, and white lights that covered the rim of the saucer. When the grandfather realized what it was, he was overcome with an evil presence and raced out of there at 105 miles an hour. The grandfather had tears in his eyes when telling the story and appeared very shaken. The grandfather complained of a growth-like things on this side. He noticed it after he had encountered the UFO. He went to the doctor to get it looked at and the doctor removed it out of the grandfather’s body and studied it. He had no idea what it was. The grandfather said that the UFO had implanted him with it. It was the size of a grain of rice.
Many people have had UFO encounters in Salida, CO (literally meaning “gateway”). Many people go to that area to see if they can spot a UFO.
Erin,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described the fact that both the man and his grandfather had similar accounts of the UFO sighting. It was interesting seeing that coincidence with the Frank Sinatra song as well.
Your story was good and I enjoyed the plot. I like that in the second paragraph you never actually state that the light was a UFO, you simply explained and let the reader infer. And also helped push toward that direction by adding in the title of the song playing on the radio. When you are describing the movement of the light going side to side extremely fast and very far, I would suggest rewording it. The very far part is a little unclear.
ReplyDeleteGood work playing out the story so descriptively. I love the way you puzzled it together by adding the comment about the song that came on right after he saw the UFO.. Creeeepy! One thing I would touch up on would be the wording of this sentence, "The light knew that the man was there and was watching him, and the man knew that the light knew he was there." I get what your saying, but I had to read over it twice to fully get the effect. Maybe that was just me though! Other than that great job.
ReplyDeleteI like your word choices and how descriptive you are with this story. It kept me interested even though I am not a believer of UFO. The only thing I think you can do to improve this story is perhaps have a better ending because this ending you have it's short and kind of dull. I had to read this twice to fully get a complete understanding and the second time around I understood the story and it was good.
ReplyDeleteI'm not much of UFO believer, but your story was very catchy. I think you should have wrote about the grandfather first before getting into depth with your story. Maybe you could have put the grandfather somewhere in the beginning. And I agree with Paresa with that sentence. I also had to re-read it to understand it. Other then that, great story.
ReplyDeleteYour description of the area where this occurred is important because it shows the readers that you know what you are talking about, and that we should believe you. You appeal to the readers very logically, using logos, and this makes you a credible, trustworthy source by your description of the situation. Many people have heard of UFOs, so this was good background information for the readers because they were able to piece everything together well. Also, the fact that this man’s grandfather also claims to have seen a UFO also makes him a credible source as well as you.
ReplyDeleteNice job with the story's setting very believable and more than likely to see an UFO in Salida, CO. Doing so readers can relate and believe the story more because of the description of the area and information present. Also some local readers already have an basic understanding of the story's setting. Using the man's family member and his occurrence with an UFO makes readers believe the story more. The information in the story was great it shows you know your facts, and readers like facts to know its true.
ReplyDeleteI like how you describe things, like the movement of the light and it being jerky. It adds a great visual and makes the story more believable, although I really don't believe nor care for UFOs,I didn't get bored of the story. Your story seems to be ended like it was in a rush, but I like the last sentence and how it can be an attraction, that also makes it more believable.
ReplyDeleteSeeing that must be like an ape seeing fire, I can see how it would be that scary! Scarier is that aliens can seemingly probe you from a distance...I feel this would appeal to anyone's pathos, particularly in a very creepy way.
ReplyDeleteYou are very descriptive and while reading your story I had a vivid image in my mind of what was occuring to the grandfather and the movement of the UFO. As well, this story flows nicely.
ReplyDeleteThis story had a great deal of description; how the lights of the UFO were moving as well as the emotions the person was feeling. That helped me be able to try to understand how that situation would be. Quite terrifying! That then shows the use of ethos you were using. However, I would try to lessen the amount of description of the grandfather, as this story is initially about the boy.
ReplyDeletelolz so creepy!!! I thought this was a very good story, you utilized some examples that appealed to each of the rhetorical devices. I as a reader had many emotions evoked and also there were some logical arguments. There was adaquate detail that it made it sound like he was there but not too much like he was trying to over sell it.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really cool story! I wasn't as frightened as I was intrigued by what was happening in your story. You wrote it very well, with nice word choices! I think maybe you could have explained what happened to the grandfather a bit more (if you knew) because I think maybe it would have been a creepier story. Other than that I thought it was a pretty good story to read.
ReplyDeleteWait, hold up. "The grandfather complained of a growth-like things on this side." Do you mean, that the growth like thing was on his side? I didn't follow through with this because after he notices the "things on this side" he goes to the doctor to have it checked out. I think that it that little thing was a size of a grain of rice then, it's not that big of a problem... because a grain of rice is really small....
ReplyDeleteI have personally always believed in extra terrestrial life so this tale was in a way, near and dear to my heart. Though, I felt abruptly shoved into the story, the introduction only being one sentence, there was no easing into the occurrence. This story did however put perspective into "what's out there", not attempting to make any wild accusations one way or another, just simply stating the facts as they were presented.
ReplyDeleteOne thing...It's "Fly Me to the Moon"
Very good story, and very interesting! Aliens are always a great topic! I really enjoyed the the first encounter in your story, very descriptive, and i felt as if i was watching the light as well. Your story almost made me feel shaken by the light as well! The similar story about is grandfather in the same location also helped validate the first encounter as well!
ReplyDeleteI've never had faith or believe in UFO before, but your story makes me, once again, have to reconsider that thought. You painted your story really good, while reading it, I feel like I was sitting next to the man experiencing the UFO. You appeal to the reader's emotions by describe the man and his grandfather's emotions so detail. I love it!
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ReplyDeleteThe amount of detail you use in this story definitely gives it credibility and makes the reader more likely to believe it is true. Your descriptions are well written. I also like that you used family as a device tying in the fact that his father had also had an encounter with a UFO, but there could have been a little more detail about that story. I enjoyed the it though, it was not too long and it was easy to read.
ReplyDeleteThis story was written excellently. I found it very amusing to read, but most of all very convincing. Your usage of literary terms such as hyperbola, imagery made your story very effective. You used a lot of detail, and made it almost believe-bale. Good job!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I really enjoy that this story is local, and that you were very detailed when describing the UFO and what exactly about it scared him. Before the last paragraph you did not finish explaining what exactly happened to the first man. You should maybe explain how that ended a bit more and then have a stronger transition into the next paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI like this story of UFO! The story caught my attention at first but I noticed grammatical errors but only a little. I love the detail and imagery in your story. It really painted a picture in my head and I loved it. I agree that putting the grandfather first in the story would have appealed to pathos because it dealt with a lot more emotion in capturing your audience that UFOs are real and this man had experienced it first-hand. Other than that, awesome story!
ReplyDeleteCool story! I like how you explained the man’s situation so clearly that your readers’ were able to get a vivid picture of it. The UFO must’ve been creepy but I like how it was messing with the man, it kind of humored me. I know if I were in his position though I would freak out. Not being able to get away must’ve sucked, poor guy.
ReplyDeleteAwesome story! I really liked all the explanation you had when describing the saucer the grandfather had saw. It really painted a picture of the object. I also thought it was cool that you kind of had two stories in one first the guys and then his grandfathers. You had a very smooth transition between the two.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! How you phrased it painted a picture in my head of this weird light franticly flying above my head and taunting what could be its next victim. Also I like how you incorporated Frank Sinatra's Fly me to the Moon. Also a great song. It was the ultimate taunt. The only thing is when you had the grandfather see the UFO I got a completely different picture which made me think this story was fake because of the inconsistency of the two stories.
ReplyDeleteIts interesting how the UFO sightings seem to run in that guy's family even though the initial guy's experience doesn't confirm or deny that the source of the light or that the light itself was indeed a UFO. The definition of Salida added to the creepiness though since it seemed like you were implying that it was a gateway to UFO sightings.
ReplyDeleteWow this is a great piece I've read so far. I love your explanations which painted a clear picture of the whole story. Great word choices. Good job!
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