Sunday, August 28, 2011

Unwelcome Neighbor - Carsyn Gallegos

When I was growing up I heard a variety of ghost stories from many different sources. I read them in books, I heard them from friends, and I even heard them from family. More often than not I could tell the stories were not real. I could tell by the exaggerated way they were told and how they often had a moral. The stories with morals were meant to scare kids into thinking before they do and taking the advice of their parents. The stories that always seemed to have lasting impact were the stories I heard from family. The first time I heard a ghost story told by my father that truly seemed to frighten him was the first time I was ever truly frightened by a ghost story.

The first encounter with a ghost my father experienced that he told me about occurred in the mid 1980’s. He and the woman who would one day become my mother moved into an apartment downtown together. It was the first places they lived together and as unassuming newlyweds they were happy and excited about the place. They moved in and soon became settled in their new home. They loved the places. It was a great place for them to live while my father finished up school. Until strange things starting occurring, at first they were little things such as belongings around the house would go missing without reason. All the odd events were easy to ignore. Though they felt there was a presence in the house but it was easy blame it on their new surroundings being unfamiliar.

One night in early October, a few months after they had moved into the apartment my parents were getting ready to go to bed. In the middle of the night my father was awoken by the figure of a young brunette woman standing in the corner of the bedroom. The apparition did not utter a word she just stared at him and him at her. Neither of them broke eye contact from one another. In that moment my dad was unsure of what to do. He decided to try and wake up my mother; while he still kept an eye on the young woman. Try as he might he could not wake my mother up. It felt as though the spirit was preventing it as if for some reason she did not want her awake. The figure then walked over to the foot of the bed and did not stop there. She walk right through him like she was strolling through an open field and nothing stood in her way. The cold sensation my father experienced when she walked through was something he described as, “like nothing I’ve ever felt, it was like I was out of my body for that brief moment.”

My father did not get much sleep that night and in the morning he explained the events to my mother. She was unsure if she believed him concluding that maybe he was just stressed out from school and the apparition was just part of a dream. A couple of weeks later it was near Halloween and the Denver Post ran an article about the most haunted places in Denver. My mother was flipping through the article during breakfast and saw the story as she was reading through one specific place caught her attention. It was the address to the apartment right behind theirs and the article told the story of this young woman about twenty-three who was murder in the apartment. The article went on to describe accounts of other people who lived in the area that claimed to have seen the apparition of a young brunette woman haunting the area. After reading the story my mom believed what my dad had told her and told him about the article. They moved out of that apartment a year later and the young woman had never paid them another visit.

23 comments:

  1. Whoa that is some scary stuff. I liked how your title related to the story. Your story included logos and pathos which are good. So far I think you did a good job because I didn't get bored reading this and you wrote it good as well. I can't find anything wrong with this paper, so good job!

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  2. scary story, the story built ethos through facts, creativity, and fear. Your father must have been deathly afraid. I would feel the same way if she walked through me!!!! Overall, very creative and chilling.

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  3. You did a great job of setting the scene, with your background of ghosts as a child, to the description of the accounts from your father. You appeal to the readers very logically, using logos, and this makes you a credible, trustworthy source. Your use of factual articles, such as the Denver Post, also proves that you are a credible resource. This also is something that we can relate to because many of us know that there are many places in Colorado that are haunted. This therefore gives you credibility, because it matches accounts of what other people have experienced. You did a great job of describing the setting, and this gives your readers something to relate to.

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  4. Wow! What a great story! The way you began was especially great for setting up your credibility as a ghost story teller. From the beginning I was inclined to believe that this story was truthful, and by the end when you talked about the newspaper article I was almost totally convinced! I thought your use of simple descriptive words really went well with your story because I was not distracted by any unnecessary details. There were a few comma errors in the beginning of the story that made if slightly more difficult to read. Overall I really enjoyed reading your story! Great job!!

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  5. The beginning of your story was easy to connect to. I can relate because ghosts stories never really scare me and I agree that somehow they always end with an unusual moral. Also, your story was extremely credible. For it mentioned the Denver Post, which is something we all refer to. The story tone, was like you were telling the story to all of us in just an everyday conversation and flowed perfectly. You are a great writer.

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  6. Great job on your story! Just only from the first paragraph of your story, I could already be related to because I had also heard lots and lots of ghost stories which were told from my relatives and friends, and I also didn't really believe all of them. I see that your story is full of descriptions which cannot be took out because they are all important in building up your story, and that's good! You added in "The Denver Post" which we all can relate to tell me that you are a credible resource and can be trustworthy. Although you didn't say that your dad was scare at that moment when he saw the girl or not but I can feel the chills in my body easily, great pathos there!

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  7. WOW! The ending gave me chills! The fact that there was a murder in that apartment building, and that they had no idea until they read about it, is super freaky. I would have freaked out. That explains why there was that woman in there room. I'd be mad at the apartment complex for not letting me know! Overall, I enjoyed reading your story because it gave me a reaction. Good job!

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  8. wooh. I got the chills when I read past the part about the brunette girl in the corner. Like James Ross said, chills means you got my attention. I found the story more believable because the hanted attraction wasn't exactly that apartment it was the one behind theirs. It didn't seem like you were trying to force me to believe it which was something that did make me believe it more. I found this story very attention grabbing and I didn't get bored of it at all.

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  9. Maybe avoid talking about the 80s, it's a hard decade for even people from the 80's to relate to. But very good other than that! Reading all these has just prepared me for seeing a ghost sometime in my life...probably not really prepared, but I think it could happen if I'm unlucky. Or are there lucky ghosts? I think they more enjoy tormenting people...thanks for scaring me out of sleeping tonight!

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  10. I really like how you talk about how the denver post talked about the apartment right behind theres. It is a trustable source and really strengthened the story. I can't believe the stayed there for the rest of the year!

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  11. Great spooky story, the details you had in the story helped made it seem so real. The information you used about ghost from when you were a child and older helped the story seem believable. I like how you put your father in the story it seemed real. The setting also helped back up the story and readers could relate to that. Nice story

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  12. Ah that's a scary story! Just reading this creeps me out, I can't imagine having that happen to me. This definitely grabbed my attention. I like how you used “apparition” instead of ghost throughout the story, good word choice. I think you did a great job but you should recheck for grammatical errors. It’s a bummer that your parents were happy and comfortable in their new place up until this lady appeared.

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  13. Dang, I got the chills after finishing your story. I am scared actually. You did a really good job while using "Denver Post article" and "Halloween" event which makes the sources more credible. I quite don't believe in ghost because I've not seen them personally but you were successful in painting a ghost picture. I feel like watching a horror movie. Great job!

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  14. Your dad's account of the ghost's appearance and then how the Denver Post listed the apartment next to the one your parents' inhabited as one of the most haunted places in Denver along with actual stories from other people who saw a ghost with a similar appearance made everything click for me. Also how you led the reader through your depiction, really helped that similarity seem eerie and undoubtable.

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  15. This story was moving to say the least. I liked that there was reference to Halloween, being synonomus with ghost it helped seel the story to the reader in a logical fashion. The part about the denver post backing up your father's story also helped strengthen the appeal to logos. good story.

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  16. Geeze Louis I don't know how your father didn't scream or cry or anything! That was a good story, very well written. I followed it very easily and I was intrigued the entire time. It seems credible because of the way you narrated it. I would maybe just read over it one more time just for editting purposes. Other wise, nice job.

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  17. Nice job on showing logos with the Denver post and such. It was a pretty good story. Really creepy too. It sucks that the young brunette ghost lady a was preventing your mother to wake up though.

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  18. That was an amazingly vivid story you regaled. Utilizing (albeit "liberal" media) the Denver Post to strengthen your narrative. The fact that it was so personal to your family truly appealed to the pathos, gripping the audience.

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  19. The beginning was really good, it was a nice way to set up your story! By telling your experience with fake ghost stories and saying that most ended with morals and were just there to scare you really helped make your story believable! It was a very descriptive story and very well written. I liked that it wasn't a super scary story it was just really strange, it got the reader thinking. The end paragraph was also really good because it tied the story together. It made since of why your father saw this figure and who she was! Good story!

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  20. This story flowed very well and the idea of it was very spooky. Adding the part about the Denver Post made the story much more believable. I noticed in your introduction that you used only ‘I’ and ‘the’ to begin your sentences and I would suggest mixing it up a little bit to keep the reader more interested. Also, I noticed a few punctuational and grammar error while reading it. Overall it was a good and interesting story.

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  21. I enjoy in the beginning that you announce that nothing really has ever scared you up until this point, it was a good hook. This story became very believable in the end, as your mom discovered the hauntings around that area in the newspaper. I enjoyed your story and thought it was quite spooky!

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  22. WOW what a weird encounter. I liked the fact the timeline of the incident was in October, which is all about ghosts and sprites floating, and all. It was a really good setting for it. I though it was really great the way you wrote it!

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  23. Very believable!!!! The fact that you have your dad who didn't get scared until this story, and also that the Denver Post wrote an article of the apartment building that was haunted. Good story!

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