Every year during the month of December over a billion gift packages are sent to family and friends in honor of the holiday season. Many receive little packages such as Christmas cards with some exquisite candy, while others go all-out and send large basket arrangements with fruit, candy and some other knick knacks. However, in 2007 on the small culdesac in suburbia Colorado, the most bizarre “gift” was delivered to the youngest Benjamin on Otero place.
The unusual delivery began when the youngest Benjamin, Katarina was on winter break from school, waiting for the arrival of Christmas day. Days before the big holiday Katarina was being a usual bum, sitting on the couch watching a ten hour marathon of Gilmore Girls. As her “restless” days home alone continued, the day before Christmas Eve she heard someone ring the doorbell, so she went straight to the door to see who it was through the peep hole. Katarina recognized the awkward presence of the man and was not interested in opening the door to a man who was displaying a questionable demeanor.
The profile of the man looked like he was in his late twenties with conspicuous patchy facial hair and in grungy overalls with a large sewn in name tag to his shirt that said Jed. Besides “Jed’s” unclean attire, so it seemed to Katarina that he had a huge grin on his face while he was looking directly in the direction of the peep hole, like it was a small camera lens waiting to take his picture.
As Katarina tip-toed away from the door she believed the man would eventually leave and be the least of her problems. She bolted to the window to make sure this man left her property as well as the culdesac quickly and quietly. As she looked out the window the man gradually walked away from Katarina’s house and looked in the direction of the window she was spying out of, waved at her and then ran to the end of the culdesac and vanished out of her sight.
Katarina at her maximum paranoia ran out of the door, to quickly tell her neighbors of her strange previous events. While exiting her house she began to smell smoke about a block away. She soon realized her neighbor’s house was on fire. Forgetting all about the mysterious character “Jed,” Katarina called 911 just in time to save her neighbors house. As she was describing the story to the police she mentioned how without the unusual arrival of “Jed,” she might have not saved her neighbor’s house.
She believed that the police would think she was delirious and hallucinating about this man; however, it was just the opposite, they believed her. Over the past seven years, there have been reports of “Jed” to the police from the suburbia neighborhoods of Colorado. Wherever “Jed” has been, some act of crime or destruction has occurred right after. As well as he always warns an individual with his unusual tactics to help prevent the crime. Whether “Jed” is the one who is saving and protecting our neighborhoods or destructing them at the same time, is a great question. However, whoever or whatever he is, he is known as the Boo Radley of suburbia Colorado and is known as one of the best, as well as the most unusual gift’s that Katarina Benjamin has ever received.
The unusual delivery began when the youngest Benjamin, Katarina was on winter break from school, waiting for the arrival of Christmas day. Days before the big holiday Katarina was being a usual bum, sitting on the couch watching a ten hour marathon of Gilmore Girls. As her “restless” days home alone continued, the day before Christmas Eve she heard someone ring the doorbell, so she went straight to the door to see who it was through the peep hole. Katarina recognized the awkward presence of the man and was not interested in opening the door to a man who was displaying a questionable demeanor.
The profile of the man looked like he was in his late twenties with conspicuous patchy facial hair and in grungy overalls with a large sewn in name tag to his shirt that said Jed. Besides “Jed’s” unclean attire, so it seemed to Katarina that he had a huge grin on his face while he was looking directly in the direction of the peep hole, like it was a small camera lens waiting to take his picture.
As Katarina tip-toed away from the door she believed the man would eventually leave and be the least of her problems. She bolted to the window to make sure this man left her property as well as the culdesac quickly and quietly. As she looked out the window the man gradually walked away from Katarina’s house and looked in the direction of the window she was spying out of, waved at her and then ran to the end of the culdesac and vanished out of her sight.
Katarina at her maximum paranoia ran out of the door, to quickly tell her neighbors of her strange previous events. While exiting her house she began to smell smoke about a block away. She soon realized her neighbor’s house was on fire. Forgetting all about the mysterious character “Jed,” Katarina called 911 just in time to save her neighbors house. As she was describing the story to the police she mentioned how without the unusual arrival of “Jed,” she might have not saved her neighbor’s house.
She believed that the police would think she was delirious and hallucinating about this man; however, it was just the opposite, they believed her. Over the past seven years, there have been reports of “Jed” to the police from the suburbia neighborhoods of Colorado. Wherever “Jed” has been, some act of crime or destruction has occurred right after. As well as he always warns an individual with his unusual tactics to help prevent the crime. Whether “Jed” is the one who is saving and protecting our neighborhoods or destructing them at the same time, is a great question. However, whoever or whatever he is, he is known as the Boo Radley of suburbia Colorado and is known as one of the best, as well as the most unusual gift’s that Katarina Benjamin has ever received.
Hhmm.. this was a really intresting story. Now I'm wondering if "Jed" is even a real actual person or he's some kind of spirit from the dead? That's a good question, but anyways I liked how you developed your story and your word choices. You kept this sroty intresting and it captured my attention and made me keep on reading and asking myself questions like what's going to happen next and who is this "Jed" guy.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very talented writer! I really enjoyed reading this story, and I was very interested to see what would happen next! I agree with Jennyber that you kept the story interesting and you also captured my full attention. You made the story credible by adding in the Boo Radley part at the end, which connected it to someone that we have all heard about! In addition to telling the story well, I thought you also added the scary factor into it as well. When you were talking about her being home alone I felt like we could all connect to that and imagine how she was feeling when the doorbell rang. It was a very good story!
ReplyDeleteKelsey,
ReplyDeleteAwesome use of the imagery, I could visualize that focus on the man and his name, as well as the scene of the fire. The feeling of paranoia is usually common with kids home alone and it scares us to hear the doorbell because we are taught not to answer it.
You did a great job of describing the setting, and this gives your readers something to relate to. This increases your credibility because we know that you are a trustworthy source since we all know what Colorado is like in the suburbs. You did a great job of describing what exactly occurred, and all of the steps before Katrina called 911. I think that you used the appeals to audiences well, and that this makes your story credible. Your use of descriptive language also helps to make the story believable. Also, your use of Colorado knowledge also helps the reader understand what is going on because we can envision what is occurring during each part of the story.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really good job explaining your story. You detailed it very nicely and explained a lot of points. To be honest, I'd be pretty spooked if a man unrecognizable came to my door and knew where exactly to look and waved back at me. Just reading this gave me a little chill. Good job with your story!
ReplyDelete"The youngest Benjamin" sounds weird to me. I thought Benjamin and Katarina were different people for a while! Other than that, very strange story, this Jed sounds like a real character.
ReplyDeleteAfter finishing your story, I have to say that from now on, I would never ever open the door for any one I don't know. I like how you end the story with a question that makes the readers have to think of and try to find the answer. Your story has great details and descriptive language which makes it easy to follow. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThat was great! You were able to make your story believable because of how disruptive it was. The way you portrayed "Jed" and what happened when he was around. You did a great job keeping the readers attention and making them believe in"Jed" and think about what he really is, spirit or person. Overall good story and disruptions!
ReplyDeleteThis story was a nice break from all the other "scary/creepy" ones I've been reading. the story seemed very believeable because growing up in suburbia colorado I understand not wanting to open a door to a strange man. So the credibility of the story was well maintained. I think if there were more details the story would sound a little more logical.
ReplyDeleteEw Jed sounds so creepy I would have freaked out if I were this girl and wouldn't have even ran outside haha. But very well played, you used good imagery describing what Jed's character looked like and said it so clearly that at one point it even gave me chills. Good job.
ReplyDeleteGreat story the way you use your words and put such detail in the sentences makes this story seem so real. The writing in the story has get detail of very step happening next and you do it so well throughout the whole time. The setting of the story helps out a lot and appeals to the readers, and keeps them interested. Readers can put a good picture their heads of the setting in the suburbs of Colorado. That helps the story seem believable. You are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteThe story was good. By using descriptive details and wonderful word choices, you make me feel like I'm actually in the room looking at "Jed." with you. It's like the whole picture of the story was painted out in front of me. Your ethical appeal to the reader that you are a credible/trustworthy resource are successful by choosing a good setting of the story, nights before the Christmas day, someone who's waiting to get their gifts, this make your story more believable!
ReplyDeleteI liked the though of this story, it was very interesting and new. Something that isn't too supernatural, but very believable. It may be believable because of the way the story flowed and how simple it was. I'm just slightly confused by the ending. What exactly is Katarina Benjamin's "gift"?
ReplyDelete"The unusual delivery began when the youngest Benjamin, Katarina was on winter break from school, waiting for the arrival of Christmas day."
ReplyDeleteI think that this sentence is kinda awkward..
"...someone ring the doorbell, so she went straight to the door to see who it was through the peep hole. Katarina recognized the awkward presence of the man and was not interested in opening the door to a man who was displaying a questionable demeanor."
so she saw, through the peep hole of the door that the doorbell that was rung for, another man opening a different door for a man that was doing something 'questionable'? Is that correct?
Okay okay. I get it now, the family's surname was Benjamin. The family is known as the Benjamins. I think you should include that because I couldn't follow through with that.
Just an fyi, I didn't delete my earlier comments because I just want to show my thought process.. I did not know that Katrina's last name was Benjamin, which was why l thought it was somewhat awkward..
This was actually a really amazing story! The ominousness of your character "jed" was so intriguing, and i feel as if there could be some deranged lunatic reeking havoc around town, then doing something to get somebody to help and save the day. Probably makes himself feel like a hero. This was very believable and well written!!
ReplyDeleteThis story is very interesting! I've never heard anything like it before but it was very easy to read. I like summary at the end because it sums it up very good but at the same time leaves some questions in the readers head to think about!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really envy your talent and skill at how you wrote the story. It was pretty unique content wise, as well. The way in which you wove Katarina's perspective seemed almost as if it were a police report since it was succinct yet it left the reader curious as to if Jed had an intent and if he did, what his intent was.
ReplyDeleteIt was clever to take the story from a partially internal point of view, the narrator not necessarily being who the event happened to. The story was regaled by someone close enough to the paranormal activity to appeal to pathos. The emotion could connect the reader to the story easily.
ReplyDeleteI was confused at first when Katarina was introduced as the youngest Benjamin. I wasn’t sure if that was the family’s last name or another person until I continued reading, you might want to make that clearer. Overall, your story was interesting and because Jed was so mysterious I paid a lot of attention to it. He is a very sneaky and interesting character. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI love that your story is very detailed and i picture absolutely everything you are explaining. This story was also very fascinating and unique, i was interested the entire time and enjoyed every part!
ReplyDeleteYou used very good descriptive words like “questionable demeanor.” I enjoyed reading this story and I could see each action and event in my mind very well. It was concrete and easy to follow. I like how you didn’t necessarily make Jed seem bad or good in the story. You left the reader wondering if Jed was the cause of the unfortunate events or if he was there to warn people. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. It was so detailed that I could imagine the whole story in my head. I though it was written very well with a lot of imagery and descriptive language. Weather this is true or no, I believed it because it was soo real that it could be something that could happen to anyone. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGood story! Very descriptive and I was able to paint a picture of a strange man just ringing the door bell. Which to any kid would be frightening. Also we all have had a weird experience like that as kids which gives the reader something to attach himself to the story. So finally I believe this is true because this is very possible of happening!
ReplyDelete