About a year ago one of my close friends’ informed me of a spooky story that happened to her family decades ago. A young boy at the time, but her great relative now, mysteriously went into an unexplainable coma. His parents responded abruptly and got him to a hospital and into an at home hospice care shortly after. The doctors had no explanation for the sudden coma.
A couple of months passed and it seemed as if there was some sort of presence following the family members around the house. The presence was not threatening, but even sometimes comforting to those who came in contact. The family was desperate to expose the truth of what happened to their beloved baby boy, and why there was this sudden presence.
One of the boy’s Great Aunts came forward and spoke of a rare possibility. The old woman spoke of something called an “out of body experience”, which occurs during sleep. Having these powers or experiences allows the spiritual body to separate from the physical body and “travel” or “explore” on its own. She explained that if he was doing this there was a great possibility that his spiritual body became lost and could not find its way back into the physical body. Without the two being connected there is no meaning to that life. The two need each other and he was now a soul without a body and a body without a soul.
A couple of months passed and it seemed as if there was some sort of presence following the family members around the house. The presence was not threatening, but even sometimes comforting to those who came in contact. The family was desperate to expose the truth of what happened to their beloved baby boy, and why there was this sudden presence.
One of the boy’s Great Aunts came forward and spoke of a rare possibility. The old woman spoke of something called an “out of body experience”, which occurs during sleep. Having these powers or experiences allows the spiritual body to separate from the physical body and “travel” or “explore” on its own. She explained that if he was doing this there was a great possibility that his spiritual body became lost and could not find its way back into the physical body. Without the two being connected there is no meaning to that life. The two need each other and he was now a soul without a body and a body without a soul.
Whether the Great Aunt’s theory was accurate or not, the boy never awoke. Apparently stories like this are not uncommon. Out of body experiences occur to those looking for spiritual comfort, people with illnesses and others who have to ability and are just plain curious. Those who practice this may want to be aware of the fatal consequences.
WOW! Your story really grabbed my attention for this happens to us Shaman people too. I can really relate to this story like no other. Everything that you pointed out in your story I can believe it all. I don't know if its just me, but I really enjoyed this story! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteI like your story and the idea of it. The out of body experience is scary. Your story should be made into a movie. At the beginning you gave a good explanation of how it all started. Maybe add a little more detail of the boy or family. So that the story builds up more. Nice job on describing the feelings of the family. Readers can relate to those type of problems. The second to last sentence was a little confusing to me.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way the story was written, it's very organized and easy to follow. It's like someone was telling me a ghost story. But the only issue I had with it was it was too much like the movie "Insidious". I personally get sick of movies when I see it once, and that may be why I wasn't very interested in your story. If I didn't see the movie "Insidious", I would most likely be more interested, other than that I have nothing else to say.
ReplyDeleteYour story sounds just like the movie Insidious, except there was no evil in your story. I liked how it was easy to read and it got right to the point. I didn't get bored nor interested mainly because I already knew what you were talking about based off of watching the movie Insidious. Your paragraphs were even like it wasn't too big or too small, but remember not to indent when it's the online format because you have your first paragraph indented.
ReplyDeleteWeird, I've had an out of body experience, luckily I didn't go very far! Some more detail about your family and the little boy might appeal to the readers' pathos a bit more, and maybe make your story into a stronger argument.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy how you began your story in encouraging the audience to question if there is or is not a connection between this strange presence and the mysterious sudden coma of their son. Also, by including the possibility that the body and soul have to intertwine to live, and if your body fails, then your soul is still present. Intriguing outcome and keeps you thinking!
ReplyDeleteKatherine,
ReplyDeleteThis story reminds me about a little boy who experienced this phenomenon and lived to tell the tale. when he got older, he told his story and called it a near death experience. If I were in that position, I would die too because I would have no way to return to my body again, and also I would lose track of where my body is by losing that spiritual connection. Great story overall, your masterpiece if you elaborate on this phenomenon.
I liked at the end where you said that sorties Iike this are not uncommon. I do think that the stoy could use more detail, And that would help with your appeal to ethos just because then the story would sound more credible.
ReplyDeleteThis story is very well-written. I like how you had a main topic, and went straight off of that. The fact that this boy had no real explanation of why he wens in a coma, makes the reader want to believe something. When you bring up "out of body experiences" that connects greatly with credibility, strengthening logos. I myself have read as well as heard stories of "out of body experiences", so I as the reader can reflect on those, therefore connecting with this overall story.
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a great story, and it was well-written. You made this seem credible by adding medical facts, and describing what the doctors said. To many people, this makes a story seem much more reliable. You also did a good job of connecting with the readers and opening up. The idea of family appeals to many readers. Your paper was very straight-forward and to-the-point, and it kept the reader's attention. Additionally, you did a great job of addressing the rhetorical devices, especially using ethos and appealing to the ethics of your intended audience.
ReplyDeleteWow, this makes me not way to go to sleep now, how creepy. This was a great story, chills came down on my spine.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't follow through the second paragraph though.
I did have a little trouble that it was the boy's relatives that were communicating with the family and didn't really realize that they were ghosts/spirits and i face smacked myself after i reread it like ten times. Other that that the story's not bad.
I feel that a little flare would help this story,a more flamboyant word choice sprinkled throughout the text. Apparently I am alone when I say that I had a hard time keeping focused to the story, it all seemed a bit bland, nothing to really captivate my attention. The entire idea of the tale was however intriguing a peaceful subject amidst the clamor of hauntings.
ReplyDeleteUtilizing the family's responses did appeal quite well to pathos, connecting the reader emotionally.
Katherine...You're story was very interesting but failed to grab my attention right from the start. Maybe a little more detail about what kind of presence the family was feeling, and how they reacted to it. Also, maybe a little more info about how the family reacted after they found out this interesting phenomenon, but over all, a nicely written piece.
ReplyDeleteYour story was very well written and it grabbed my attention right away. This is the kind of story that I could relate to because I did heard about these types of things when I go to the temple. Those facts that you added more into the story, such as the doctor, the hospital, they made you a more credible resource who we can believe in. It would have been better if you put some more details in the story, but otherwise, I like it very much!
ReplyDeleteYour story is very capturing and appealing. I wanted to hear a little bit about your opinion on this phenomenon, it would’ve given me more insight to you personally but other than that this is a great story. I didn’t notice any grammatical errors and the way the paragraphs were organized is very good. Your story is very to the point and it doesn’t “drag on”, I like that. Great Story!
ReplyDeleteYour story is fascinating. I have heard a lot of stories about out of body experiences and they are definitely creepy. I was hoping the boy would wake up and it is unfortunate that he didn’t. Your story was simple and detailed but at the same time I thought it would have been nice to read more. Overall, good job and the way you organized this made it easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteThis story was interesting. It was short and sweet; got right to the point. I think that it could be more enjoyable to read if you used more details and explained it more. I personally have always been interested in this type of phenomenon and wondered if it could ever really happen. I’ve always wondered where a person’s mind goes when they are in a coma and I feel like this story has a good explanation.
ReplyDeleteThis story was a short summary of the movie "Insidious". So other then that it is a very interesting topic of being able to leave your dreams. Makes you think about your own dreams and if you are actually dreaming or in another dimension. So your story almost attacks the reader to make them think about these weird phenomenons. Is this really possible?
ReplyDeleteAwesome story! I have always been intrigued by out of body experiences and this pretty much sums all of them up haha. It was fun to read and very interesting.
ReplyDeleteWow your story was very creepy. I thought it was written very well, and very detailed.
ReplyDeleteYou did an exceptional job explaining and describing the events. However, I would love to know more details. Good organized piece!
ReplyDelete