Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Ghost at 1162 Kearney St. - James Duensing
My buddies and I had just moved into our own place for our sophomore year of college. We had been looking at potential places for almost two months when we found the one that would later be our permanent place of residence. Our landlord told us that the unit opposite us had been bought by the bank and no one has lived there for a year and a half. He also told us that his daughter had lived there the year before us and we were still getting some of her mail in the mailbox. So my friend Phil, being the social networking guru that he is, looked her up and added on facebook. It was a little creepy how fast she accepted his request because within twenty minutes she was asking if we had seen the ghost yet. We said “no” and thought that she was just being a terrified girl who got scared of any noise at night. Now it wasn’t until we got mail from her roommates and added them also, and they were questioning our sightings of the ghost that we became more interested. As the summer went on we were all working and doing our own thing that we basically forgot about the possible ghost. Then one day when I was having a long board session in late July, out in front of our place I saw the door close and when I went to go see what made it move I found that the door was locked and I had left my keys inside so I was locked out, luckily my buds were inside and were able to hear my knocks. As the summer came to a close one of the last nights we had left, Phil came home after work around nine-thirty and when he opened the first door to the complex he heard footsteps where no one ever really goes and when he looked up the stairs to see if anyone was there he could have sworn that he saw the top of someone’s head crouching behind the railing. The third encounter was in my bathroom, now my bathroom has a door in it that leads to our balcony that is adjoined to the vacant unit next to us, that I make sure to lock every night almost religiously and the door to our rooms are able to lock as well. So I got ready for bed one night and did my evening rituals brushing my teeth, washing my face and locking the balcony door then I locked my bedroom door so I could have an undisturbed night of sleep. When I woke up the next morning and went in the bathroom to get ready for school I noticed that the balcony door was ajar and so was the screen door but my bedroom door was still locked. I couldn’t explain how the second door was open and the first door wasn’t. None of us have been possessed yet but at this point it is not completely out of the question.
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Wow, a creepy story that wove spirit sighting with the typical experience of a college student moving into an apartment for school. Nice display of your story, just remember your punctuation. Overall, great job.
ReplyDeleteYou appealed to the readers well by explaining a situation that we could all relate to. This made you seem like a credible source, in addition to the fact that you could describe what was occurring and so could your roommates. The fact that the girl asked you about the ghost and then you later experienced a similar situation also increases the credibility. I thought that your descriptive also created an emotional appeal, because we could comprehend exactly what was going on.
ReplyDeleteYou had a few grammar mistakes that you should fix like the spelling of words. Other than that this story was believable because it's one of those typical college students moving into a place an encounter weird stuff type of stories, so it's really common to everyone. The other thing I suggest doing is make your story into paragraphs form because with out the paragraphs, your story doesn't look as organized as it should be.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you moved into your own place in college with your buddies makes you more reliable, more credible that we can trust your story easily. This story sounds like a ghost hunter series to me, but instead replacing "hunting" with "experiencing". By using lots of descriptions about yours and your friends' experiences, I can imagine that I'm actually in the story. The logo in your story (facebook) makes me feel that I can be related to which is good.
ReplyDeleteThat was a truly frightening story. I liked how you led up to the scary part of the story! When the story first started I was a bit skeptical about whether or not I should believe a ghost story from a bunch of college guys living together, but then as you began to weave the other people (like the previous tenant) into the story it became instantly more believable. Although ordinarily I would say that you should have added more detail, in this case I think you added just the right amount. The way you described the odd instances so quickly, made me more afraid and made me imagine it on my own. Great story!
ReplyDeleteYou have an interesting story; it’s good. Because your story included you, your roommates, and the girl who used to live there it was believable. I liked how straightforward the information laid out. You have a direct way of telling what was going on which made your story very easy to read. It sounds scary and mysterious. I suggest reviewing for grammar mistakes and not make it all one paragraph.
ReplyDeleteWas there a possibility of robbery? Anyway, I thought that it's a good story; it's a story that could be really normal and/or it could be really scary depending on the reader. There were things I could relate to like being a college student and having Facebook. I liked the way the characters kind of had a certain personality of their own. Like you friend the networking guy, then the girl possibly being a pansy.
ReplyDeleteThat is some pretty crazy stuff. It all seems so little but when it's backed up with the old residents and stuff it makes it much more! There were a few grammatical errors but other then that a really solid paper.
ReplyDeleteCreepy! Good use of describing the events, although I found some of your sentences to drag on so I found myself confused on what was going on in parts. The house being full of guys gives it more credibility, because the stereotype that "men don't get scared", allows the reader to be able to identify an amount of credibility in your story.
ReplyDeleteThis was such an interesting story, but i feel like it was just getting started! There is so much build up, and tension, that i felt like some big encounter was coming, not just your door being open and you being somewhat nonchalant about it! But very well written, and a very good story! Just not enough space to to make it what it could have been!
ReplyDeleteI like how you started the story readers could easily relate to that helped the story seem real, and also grab the attention of readers as well. Your story was scary and the details of every event helped it seem real. The emotion in the story too helped readers believe of the ghost even more. I like how you had order the story too it was a great story.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an interesting piece. I suggest to break down your essay into small paragraphs. That way makes it easier for readers to follow. I like how you related the story to real life of a typical college student who is curious about things (Facebook the girl). With descriptive information, this story grabs my attention well. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYour way of describing details from the past people who lived in the apartment to the attention you gave to describing how your "evening rituals" were indeed rituals, really made you seem reliable from your use of documentation on what another author might have considered as insignificant details. The familiar diction and the reference to Facebook besides helping the audience perceive you as more current, also increases how believable you are.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story because it is current and it just happened recently. Now because these events just happened recently, it gives the reader a suspenseful build up questioning what is going to happen next, which also gives your story more credibility. Credibility is also there when you have a variety of sources who have also experienced these unusual events.
ReplyDeleteGood and creepy story. Nice details about what you saw and encountered. It's nice that you involved the girls that previously lived there, it made it more believable that something unusual happened.
ReplyDeleteGood story. Nothing very sinister occurred, but just enough to be creepy. I think you could leave the part out about you getting locked out of your house, it's just not strange enough an occurrence, and not scary enough considering your friends were there to let you back in.
ReplyDeleteYour story was pretty good! Nice job setting up the characters and the setting. I liked that you mentioned facebook, being such a popular thing it made the story easier to connect with. This story kind of let the reader interpret what was going on because it was more of a strange occurrence than a super scary haunting! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you added the facebook detail in there and how it was creepy that she accepted so fast because being in college, everyone can relate to that. I feel like you could have gone into more details and events that were ghosts. I feel like you left the reader hanging a bit but it was overall a good story. Very believable.
ReplyDeleteSuper creepy! You did a great job of holding my attention and i really enjoyed ready your spooky story.
ReplyDeleteThe format of the story turned me off at first because it looked like one large paragraph, a very large paragraph. You were however able to connect with your audience superbly. College students were your readers, and you appealed to them.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. It was so interesting that it really kept me reading. It was very descriptive. That is so weird how that happened to you guys. I am scared of living alone or being alone in a house, because of fear that there is someone with me, even though I have a hard time believing the sprite and ghost stories. IT was really great, I really liked it! good JOb!
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely an appealing story to college students. The beginning especially drew me in because I'm looking for my own place, now with high hopes that it wont be haunted. I think for you next blog post, break up your paper so it doesn't look like one huge paragraph, but other than that good story.
ReplyDeleteI like this story because it feels like its unfinished and where waiting for the next chapter to figure out what was happening! The only thing is that because there wasn't really anything happing except doors opening doesn't make the story have any compelling evidence to convince me something is happening.
ReplyDelete