During an eternal family car ride, my father related to the carload of sleep-deprived corpses a story of a ghostly encounter. Although we were all a bit skeptical about the reality of this tale, we had no option but to be a captive audience.
“It all began when a few buddies and I went to a remote lodge in the mountains for some amazing backcountry skiing” my father began. He then began to tell us in excruciating detail about the day as it preceded the event. The story began to get more ghostlike when my father related that he had been the very last to get to take a shower that night. Although it was not that late in the night, all of the boys were fast asleep after a hard day of skiing by the time my father got into the shower. Not wanting to wake anyone, he made sure that the stereo that sat just outside of the shower was switched to the off position. Halfway through his shower, a familiar beat began to fill his head. Bobbing and singing along with the mysterious tune my father soon remembered that he was supposed to stay quiet as not to wake his cabin mates. However, although he had stopped singing, the tune continued. My father looked outside the shower curtain to see where the mysterious song was coming from, and just as he did, he noticed that the radio was displaying its powering down message. The generic “goodbye” message usually disappeared seconds after the radio was turned off, and he had definitely been in the shower longer than that. “I was not a believer in ghost stories at the time, so the thought that the odd events were ghost related did not even cross my mind. I was in a cabin in the middle of the woods, the power could have easily flickered,” he confessed. As he continued his shower, the mysterious music came on once again. Weary of trickery, my father made sure the shower curtain was not completely closed, so he could see the counter on which the radio sat. Suddenly the radio changed stations, beginning to play a slow country heartbreak song. Midway through the song, the radio once again stopped and displayed the powering off message. My father quickly finished his shower, not wanting to be victim to childish pranks any longer, and went to bed expecting a confession from his comrades in the morning.
The next morning my father interrogated his friends about the mysterious event from the previous night. Not one boy seemed to waiver in the fact that they had nothing to do with the events. At this point, recounted my father, he began to think that maybe the events could have been a ghostly encounter.
The conclusion that the mysterious music was brought on by a power surge was quickly dismissed, because none of the alarm clocks were flashing the typical “12:00” display. In addition, that did not explain how the radio changed stations. Another possibility is that his friends could have snuck in and controlled the radio, although as the radio began playing for the second time, my father had his eyes on it and saw no hand reach over to tamper with it. From a man who was not a believer in ghost stories, to be passing this mysterious event off as a ghost story was as much proof as any of us needed. Ghost encounters are not fables or myths, encounters do happen.
The next morning my father interrogated his friends about the mysterious event from the previous night. Not one boy seemed to waiver in the fact that they had nothing to do with the events. At this point, recounted my father, he began to think that maybe the events could have been a ghostly encounter.
The conclusion that the mysterious music was brought on by a power surge was quickly dismissed, because none of the alarm clocks were flashing the typical “12:00” display. In addition, that did not explain how the radio changed stations. Another possibility is that his friends could have snuck in and controlled the radio, although as the radio began playing for the second time, my father had his eyes on it and saw no hand reach over to tamper with it. From a man who was not a believer in ghost stories, to be passing this mysterious event off as a ghost story was as much proof as any of us needed. Ghost encounters are not fables or myths, encounters do happen.
Sorry. I am not sure why there are different fonts and it's spaced oddly.
ReplyDeleteYour story is woven with creativity, an actual tale, and the ability to instill fear. The font and spacing are a bit odd, but other than that, you did and exceptional job.
ReplyDeleteI like your intro and how you started it. The story would be a lot better if you went into more descriptive details and your second paragraph is way too long compared to your other paragraphs. Other than that I think you did a really good job and this was a very interesting story to read.
ReplyDeleteBy describing a family car ride, this is something that we can all relate to—we all understand how long they can seem, and how tired you can get. This creates emotional appeal because we can relate to what you are describing. I thought that your descriptive also created an emotional appeal, because we could comprehend exactly what was going on. I like how you presented multiple reasons for the radio coming on and for the clocks changing. This helps to increase the logical appeal because your opinion about what happened seems to be the most logical to the readers.
ReplyDeleteStarting off the story with a family car ride is a smart idea as we can all relate to that. The fact that your father went to take shower at night and also was singing in the shower are things that we again can all relate too! Your explanations on what might have happened to the radio tells me that you know what you're talking about, and I can trust you, therefore, your story! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like how your story is simple, yet effective. The way you said that your father isn't one to tell about ghost stories makes your story more credible to me. It was good that you put reasons why it couldn't be a friend because first thing I thought was, it's one of his friends! Also another possibility, was maybe a remote for the radio? One thing I don't like is the ending because the way you say it seems like ghosts are 100% real.
ReplyDeleteThis was a cool story. I really liked how you started it off, it really caught my attention. That is pretty crazy that your dad saw it change stations with no one there! I would have got out of the shower right then haha.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of descriptive words. I really liked how you described the stereo so that the reader can visualize it. Definitely gave me the creeps! Your choice of format was good. I liked how you told a story within a story.
ReplyDeleteGood story you started off great by talking about the car ride. Readers cam relate to that easy and the way you did it really caught my attention. The options in your story helped make it believable with the radio too. Your details were nice and helped the story seem real, nice scary story.
ReplyDeleteYour story was believable because you brought up some scenarios that could have happened when explaining that there was a possible ghost (in the last paragraph mainly). Saying that your dad did not believe in ghosts at first gave some credibility too. The way you introduced the story was good and I also like your title.
ReplyDeleteWhat really made me believe your dad's unwavering certainty that it was most likely a ghost, wasn't how his friends who came up to the ski lodge as well said they had nothing to do with the weird radio business, but how after it happened again and again your dad for his sanity kept his shower curtain open in a way to be able to see if someone was playing a joke on him. Which is without a doubt what I would do if it didn't occur to me that I could unplug the radio. I also really liked how you said "captive audience" as opposed to the usual "captivated audience."
ReplyDeleteInteresting story. The fat that your father openly says he doesnt believe in ghosts except for this solitary occasion helps the paper appeal to the reader's sense of logos.
ReplyDeleteThat's creepy! I've had similar things happen to me as well, so I definitely believe it. One thing I would say is keep an eye out for where you place your quotations. At first I was under the impression that you were quoting your father, but in the middle of it you began narrating it again which was confusing. Other than that, good story. And great intro! I like your wording :)
ReplyDeleteI like how you began your story by establishing the setting. While I continued reading the story it is funny how I began developing scenarios that could prove the story false;however, your story kept proving me wrong, especially at the end where you gave your audience an overview that though these events are skeptical, with simple logic the possibility of the trickster friends isn't possible. This was a well thought out story and probably one of the best ones I've read.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of descriptive words, good job on the. i think you should break up your second paragraph. The last paragraph you made it seem like ghosts were the only ones that might have tampered with the radio stations. Other than that the story wasn't bad.
ReplyDeleteGood description! I like also how you delved into different explanations of what could have turned on the radio, even if in the end you dismissed most of them as not being possible. This shows your story from different angles and makes it more believable.
ReplyDeleteWhile relatable, it was hard to stay interested in the tale. Particularly because of the font change and the paragraph breaks. It was descriptive, which helped make you, as the writer, more credible. Though, you didn't leave much to be decided by the reader which I felt alienated them a bit.
ReplyDeleteVery decent story, but i did have a little trouble following along. You did a great job describing everything, which makes it much more believable. But i did feel spoon fed, and as if not much was left for the reader to infer or keep them guessing. Very good job though!
ReplyDeleteReally good story. It was believable because you brought up situations that most people have experienced, like the family car ride. You had a lot of good description as well, but in some places a little too much. Not leaving enough room for the reader to interpret the story in their own way. By being relatable your story was made more believable. Good job!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love your title. It is very creative. I loved how you opened up your story because it was very relatable and I could visualize it easily. I like how your father thought that it was his friends so he didn’t have to be scared throughout the night! Although this story is believable, I naturally feel like there is still a chance that the events could be from his friends messing with him. Overall, well done!
ReplyDeleteI liked this story and found it very relatable. I like that your dad is not a strong believer of these things so the fact that it happened to him made it very real. Good story.
ReplyDeleteI totally liked your title,I think it fits perfectly with your story. I really enjoyed your story. It so weird how people have these kinds of encounter. So many people experienced that they have encounters with sprites and ghosts, that the next person saying that they had an encounter would be believed.
ReplyDeleteI like how you start off your story with clear background. The second paragraph is kinda long. I suggest to break it down into small ones. Nice title, and overall god job!
ReplyDeleteI like how you stated your dad wasn't a believer in ghosts which makes this story more believable. The only thing is that after I snowboard for a day in the back country Im too tired and start to hear things because of the long day. So because of personal experience I cant believe this story. Even though you gave evidence that it couldn't be a power surge Im sure it was something else. Good story!
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