One night I was asleep next to my girlfriend and when we woke up in the morning she told me that she got attacked the night before and when she tried to call my name and move her fingers to pull me closer. I turned and looked at her, smiled and bite her on the arm. She told me I looked possessed and she knew it wasn’t me. I freaked out about maybe I was getting possessed by demons in my sleep. I told Brittany of my feelings and she told me that “demons are more powerful than you think, that I wasn’t truly possessed, just that my body temporarily housed a demon so it could attack her”. I was really freaked out at this point.
I went even further and talked to her dad about getting attacked and he said “I starting getting attacked when Brittany and Brandi (my girlfriend’s twin) started to tell me about this, and it really is a panicking feeling. You can’t breathe. You can’t move. There’s a pressure of an elephant on your chest. It feels like your being crushed.” This is the type of feeling when something else (demons) is trying to take over your body and take your soul. What makes me a believer is that they all had one thing in common with getting attacked by demons and/or spirits is they all called out to God and Jesus Christ, said a prayer within their minds and the pressure completely vanished; they could move and breathe normally.
Exorcisms are common; you see them in movies, TV shows and in numerous places in the USA and all around the world. Demons are trying to take the hosts souls and replace it with their own. Scary thought because numerous people have different experiences with exorcisms and demons that actually did get inside the host and try to replace souls. What my girlfriend and her family need is an exorcism because I don’t want that coming to my family. Exorcisms are real and anybody who is religious has heard of demons trying to take souls and make you a victim of temptation. Some people believe we all have a little demon already inside us and that what makes you sick time to time. But that’s some people. Exorcisms can be traced from all around the world and we all are battling our own demons. For my girlfriend, that is literal.
That has happened to me before where I felt something, like a presence and I couldnt move or talk. It was so scary! Anyways, I heard many stories to why you feel stuck and can't move. Scientifically, it is because you don't get enough sleep, perhaps you get paranoid easily and the other story that I have heard on Youtube is that this old hag sits on you. Either way it could be either you didn't get enough sleep, an old hag perhaps, ghost, or even demons.
ReplyDeleteWow. That is a very odd story. I like how you added some references at the end of your story. I was also more inclined to believe your story because you not only went and talked to Brittany's dad, but you also seemed to have experienced it first hand. The use of quotations were perfect, it put me into the story a little bit because I felt like I was there when she was recounting the story. There were a few tense (past and present) problem, but for the most part I thought it was written very well.
ReplyDelete-Holland Foley
Ashley,
ReplyDeleteYour story reminds me about stories I heard about the Incubus, a breed of daemon who tried to mate with human women in their sleep. It has been reported that those women feel that same pressure and weight on their chest, but pray to Christ to remove those daemons, with success. Your story was interesting, and also a bit scary. The way you wove this tale was fascinating.
-Logan C.
Your story is very interesting, and can provide a good argument on weather or not demons exist. It seems like you, the author, are writing this paper to argue that they do exist. I like that you started off with a quote and ended with information for the reader to think about. Overall very good story, though there were some tense issues and some sentences that could use some rewording to make the a little more clear. Maybe also use some better word choice instead of saying "I was freaked out" use stronger word choice.
ReplyDeleteAhh! That's freaky because that's happened to my sister! Anyway, very interesting story. It is something that can easily catch your readers attention. People can relate to it, like I just did, whether it's through personal experiences or what they've seen on TV. One thing I'd say watch out for is run on sentences! You have a few of those in there that make the story loose its 'oomph'. Other than that, good story!
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to your story. It has happened to me and my siblings. We get sit on and it weighs as much as an elephant too, except the only difference is that it's not "demons" trying to take control of our bodies or possess us. I think your story is very catchy, at least it caught my attention! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting story; I have never known anyone who has been affected by these Exorcisms. I was very intrigued that you said that her father even started having these sensations after she and her sister told him about them. I thought that your examples helped support the account of your friend. Additionally, since you brought exorcisms into a context that most people could relate to by using TV, movies, and books, I thought that this helped strengthen your argument. You might want to present a flip side to this issue just to convince your reader that an exorcism is the only explanation for this strange occurrence. You appealed to your reader using pathos well, because you generated fear and uncertainty in your reader.
ReplyDeleteGreat story it is very believable with all the information and relationships you have with the people involved. The story kept me interested and convinced. From how you talked about the dad and sister both having experiences with demons in the family. The fear and thought of if all of that could have happened was used very well in the story. The way you use the media as an example of Exorcisms and how they present them is useful to readers attention, but still leaves the sense of uncertain practices in the story.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of ethos, you seem to be arguing for the point that demons really do exist and possess people in their sleep. I believe this argument could actually be strengthened by giving another possible cause of the symptoms your girlfriend experiences, because right now one is notably absent. Other than that, good job!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis story was fun to read! I could hear your consistent serious tone throughout the whole thing. I also loved how you told it from your girlfriend’s perspective as well as your own. Including your own commentary made the overall story more engaging, as well as letting the reader connect to the story more by citing multiple perspectives. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI like how you started with some action already. First few sentences already related to me, very good use of Pathos. I remember having one of those "attacks" but, it wasn't as intense as being sat on. I just had use of my eyes only. My family tells me these stories about how a ghost sits on top of them and strangles them, and this ghost is a girl wearing all white weighing hundreds of pounds. But back to your story, I like how your emotions are inside, It's really good and has little flaws. The only flaws I see are tiny grammatical errors.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of this story is really good. You concluded it with an explanation of exorcisms, telling the reader that yes, these do happen. That gives it complete credible fact. The overall story is pretty scary, as believer or not, people know about exorcisms and demons. I would try to make the body paragraphs transition better into each other, as it just seems like different "attacks". This story is very vivid though, and appeals to emotion extremely well.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting story. i liked the links to movies and tv shows. The examples that you used strengthened your argument. I do however think that you should be less passionate about your opinions in an argument like this. at some points it felt like you were telling the reader how to feel.
ReplyDeleteThe concluding sentence grounded this entire paper for me, skepticism arose initially because I am a religionless cynic, but by pointing out that no matter what the audience might think, for your girlfriend it was reality. It's terrifying to think about demons or even sentient beings invading our subconscious minds.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting topic, but it never really grabbed my attention. Although it was very believable because many people have experienced these episodes of waking up and not being able to move or feeling tons of pressure, it is an actual occurrence unfortunately, called sleep paralysis. It happens to quite a lot of people surprisingly. Not that people could not experience some sort of demon in their body, it just seems more likely that you know a few people that happen to wake up into sleep paralysis.
ReplyDeleteI could relate to your story easily since this "exorcism" thing has happened a lot to me before. But back then, I didn't know what it was until I came to the temple and the monk told me everything about ghosts/demons trying to take over and control your body. You used great facts in the last paragraph which made your story more believable, and yourself more credible and trustworthy. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThat story is very scary! I liked a lot it very interesting to readout that sucks for your girlfriend. I like how descriptive you were when talking about what it feels like when it happens.
ReplyDeleteWah! How creepy! Since this story was very descriptive, it gave me a taste of those horror movies that i've always avoided. Especially the part where the dad was describing the feeling.
ReplyDeleteYou written an amazing story. It really kept me focused on the story, and adding some background at the end of the story about exorcisms, gave it a real life meaning, and made it a lot more convincing. You had a lot of descriptive language, and imagery. At the end you took your own position on exorcisms, and how you believe that it actually exists and that it is true, taking your point of view gave made it persuasive.
ReplyDeleteHow creepy!!! This is a story right out of a scary movie! I though that this story was written well and I had no trouble imagining what was happening to you and your girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteYou had a very unique way of beginning your story, which kept my attention and I thought it was scary overall. I saw that you have some grammatical mistakes you may want to look over. I really enjoyed your last paragraph but it scared me because you mentioned that some people believe we already have a demon inside of us. I wonder why it happens to your girlfriend, it sounds extremely frightening.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you explained what it was like for your girlfriend and her father to experience the possession. You add credibility by sharing that the event happened to both of them and they felt the exact same way during. However, I don’t agree or believe that exorcisms are common. I do believe that they occur, but not regularly like you advertised.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this story because it is something I have heard from many people close to me that they have experienced something similar to what you described. I love the way you began the story and how you described the feeling it lends to the credibility. Also, the fact that you kept this idea of it being a demon makes this story believable to people especially to those who strongly believe in the presents of demons.
ReplyDeleteGood story. I like how you interviewed more then just your girlfriends statements but also her dad and sister and your own. Im personally not a believer in this kind of stuff but Im not going to tempt it. So I would have reacted the exact same way as you which made me connect to your story even more.
ReplyDeleteIt's really interesting how your direct source came from your girlfriend and her dad. Her description of her inner battle seemed without a doubt to be true which was really frightening. The last paragraph, especially how you ended it, really made the story believable since from you brought to light how contrary to popular belief fighting your inner demons, as your girlfriend does, are usually not entirely religious ideals but things that can happen regardless of what you may or may not believe.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job of setting the scene. This is an interesting story. You uses logical events to convince your readers that we should believe you. We also have a good understanding of the situation because all of us know how different things seem in the dark. Good job!
ReplyDelete