Monday, August 29, 2011

An Indian Siren - Brittany Fernandes

Most children growing up are told a variety of stories with varying significance, from recollections of the parents’ childhood to reasons not to misbehave. Some children are even read bed time stories. My parents, however, favored the to the point bed time rituals which consisted mainly of tucking my siblings and me into our respective beds or crib (depending on our age), a kiss on our forehead, wish us sweet dreams, and after reassuring us no monsters would emerge from the depths of the shadows they would close the respective bedroom door.

On rare occasions, the tradition was broken. On one particular evening when my mother deemed my sister and me old enough to decipher fact from fiction, we were granted the opportunity to hear a couple stories which she was told when she had been around our age. Besides recounting memorable moments from the many sleepovers she would have with her cousins, my mother told us a story which I now consider a rough equivalent of the Sirens from The Odyssey but in India.



The story is said to have taken place near the less urbanized parts of India near the coastal region in the south. Near a small grouping of villages, if a traveler had to gain access to an airport there was one in the area but reach the airport they would need to take a long, solitary road. As was customary in the area through folklore, the inhabitants of the villages advised any traveler who was in need of the airport never to make the journey after the sun set because that was when cursed spirits were said to find bodies of the able and willing to exact revenge on those who had done them wrong.

Due to the solitary nature of the road, there were always skeptics who insisted that they paid good money for their airplane ticket since the airport wasn’t serviced by any planes except those owned privately. One young man was particularly insistent one evening when he needed to reach the airport. Every village inhabitant, even from the surrounding villages, that he asked were hesitant since the sun would set in an hour or two and the drive itself was sometimes an hour and a half but after a good deal of money left the young man’s hand he procured a driver.

The driver was an older man past fifty years of age and once they entered the man’s small car, he turned to the back seat to hand his passenger two wads of ear wax. At the perplexed expression on the young man’s face, the older man explained that of the spirits that were said to roam the road to the airport at this time there was one that was consistently noted by those who stubbornly insisted on driving, like them, especially if they were men. The spirit was said to be that of a deceased older woman who from afar appeared harmless and in need for a ride. Upon closer inspections, the woman had indescribable beauty and wore a long nightgown which wasn’t considered normal especially at the dead of night on such a solitary road. If let into the vehicle, without anything in one’s ears to block sound, it was said that she would shriek loudly but the shriek was said to be other worldly that if heard the victim would fall into a slumber from which they’d never return.

However, the young man did not pay heed to the necessity of the wax and on such a solitary road the silence made him foolish of his error. A couple miles ahead he saw a woman standing near the roadside in need of a ride and so he signaled to the driver to pull over and render assistance. Disregarding the reverberations in his left ear, he finally was able to motion for the car to stop. The driver leaned over to unlock the right rear seat door and inside she drifted. Which should have been an immediate indication of the young man’s error but he was too captivated by the woman’s beauty. Her lips began to move and almost unaware, the young man noticed his left ear did not have the wax in properly but instead of fixing it, he allowed it to get increasingly loose until he could hear her voice. It wasn’t until she knew he could properly hear her that she immediately began to shriek. Due to the driver’s proper insertion of his wax ear plugs, he did not take notice of the young man’s lifeless frame until they reached the airport.

The woman is said to have been a scorned bride whose husband neither loved nor cared for her and as a result her form of retribution is expunging men similar to her now deceased husband.

25 comments:

  1. Wow that was actually a really good story! Good job. I liked everything about it and it seemed as if you told it the same exact way you heard it with nothing extra added to it. This does sound like a story that could've been read in a book and passed down to other people. You had a few grammar issuse, but they were really minor like adding commas and that was it.

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  2. What an interesting story! It was hard to focus on the story in the beginning because there were a few grammatical mistakes and it seemed to be a lot of unnecessary information. However, once you actually began to tell the story I was very intrigued. I think that the story was more believable because you didn't add in any frills to make the story scarier. The part at the end when you talk about who the woman was/is brought you out of the story, and connected it to something that a native would say about the folk lore, which I thought was very good! Great story~

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  3. WOW that must have been scary, having heard that would have given me a fatal heart attack too!! Great storytelling and the only issue is the comma.

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  4. Really interesting story! I thought the way you set it up was pretty good, though the first paragraph seemed a little out of place. I think that the details were good but maybe there could have been a few more to make the story more believable. I would say this story is a good set up to create an argument! Other than that and a few grammatical errors it was a really great story! Good job!

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  5. You did a good job of setting the stage for your essay in the first two paragraphs before diving right into your essay. You also did a good job of using ethos to prove that you were trustworthy. By describing your childhood, this was something that we could all relate to, and it was a sense of comfort. I liked how you ended with a thought about what was to blame for strange occurrence. Also, by relating this to the Odyssey, we were able to relate to this well, and this increased the credibility. Your use of descriptive language was one of the strong-points that made this believable.

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  6. Your story was actually really good! I thought the way you detailed everything was good. You had good explanations and points that were very descriptive. I have heard many stories just like this one and I do believe it. Many stories are told when we are a younger age, but just like the young man in your story, we don't believe it until we encounter it. I think your story was very good and interesting. Good job!

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  7. Great story it had my attention the whole time and flowed really well. I like the way you brought the reader into the story and did not mention the main idea until the end of the second paragraph.talking about your childhood experience got readers to relate with you. The way you brought in the book the Odyssey was another good reason for readers to relate with the story and have some background knowledge to fall on. The word choice used was great and kept the story together well, but some sentences were too long. The way the man in the story would not pay attention to his ear blamed him for his own death. Good story

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  8. Wow! Weird stuff. We in America would never worry about spirits on our way to the airport! Maybe this just goes to show you can't be so sure. Considering you started this story about bedtime stories, maybe you should recount how your sister and you felt before you went to sleep that night, to end your story.

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  9. I enjoy how you began your story, for it was easy to relate to and it prepared you for the story to come. While reading it, I felt like we were all in a circle listening to you tell the story word for word of how you heard it before. However, the downside of that is that during parts and pieces of the story I was interested in picking up the pace of the story for I thought some components were unnecessary. Overall though you did a wonderful job!

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  10. I had a great time with this story, but like the other I also had pauses in the story because of grammatical errors. I liked your word choices, they gave the story more interest for some reason. Also this story was one I haven't heard which made it more interesting. I liked how you talked about how your mother told you the story, it added more credibility and made it more believing rather than the other essays that start with "I heard from someone that..." Good job ont his paper.

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  11. This story has an incredible amount of description! Your choice of vocabulary is astounding. Gives it more credibility. Also, I enjoyed how it flowed, giving me a sense of the thought, "If I made that scary trek, what would happen?" Scary to think about! Like I said before, your choice of words works very effectively towards the reader. Good job.

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  12. I really enjoyed reading your story. I was intrigued the whole time. I liked the feelings I got from hearing the story and it seemed like a reasonable ghost tale.

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  13. Very, very well written. You're story has a particular flow to it that makes you sounds like a pro. Your vocabulary is stupendous and the imagery is very vivid which I like. I'm a very visual person, so being able to play it out in my mind was a plus. At first I thought the story was going in a different direction as you spoke of bed time stories and night time rituals. I think you could have made that part a little bit more brief because it is kind of taking away from the story as a whole, but once I read further along it was a good grab. Great job!

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  14. Nice job on setting the story, like how you talked about the tradition of tucking in and such and then your mom breaking the tradition which came the story. The story was really good. It's like a tall tale.

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  15. I enjoyed the gradual easing into the true body of the story, it made me eager to read. Your word choice is superb and pairs well with the rhythm of the tale. Prior to actually reading past the second paragraph, I was certain you were going to experience a visit from some type of mythical creature, crawling from the shadows neath your bed.

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  16. Wow what a great read! I felt very captivated, and didnt want to stop! This is very well written, and very enjoyable! I really felt like this could really be an actual story passed down through families in India. Your strong vocabulary really made the story feel more believable rather than a silly made up story.

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  17. That was an intense story! And I like it very much! From the beginning of the story, you used things that we could all relate to and that is good. You word choice is amazing, I felt like I was reading a published story from a famous author. The fact that your mother told you that story makes you more credible to believe to. There were some errors in your grammars but that didn't bother me at all. I enjoyed it!

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  18. Damn! This story is crazy! That is the exact reason why you are never supposed to pick up hitchhikers haha. I liked how in depth you went in describing things all through out the story! Very good job it kept my interested and wanting to read more!

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  19. Fantastic story! I like how you compared it to the common Sirens many people are aware of. I also like how you began talking about how you were told bedtime stories and you tell this as one. That guy was not smart by choosing not to take his driver’s warning seriously. It’s creepy how the girl was still out to get men because of her husband but it’s kind of understandable. Great word choices!

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  20. WOW, you wrote a great story, I was really into your story, and most of all I love you you started you story. It was really captivating, and it was written very well.

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  21. I loved how you opened up the story. I could relate to it very much. I can tell that you put a lot of thought and time into this story; it was very well written. You are a very talented writer! The idea of the story was very creative and your word choice was excellent and sophisticated, showing that you knew what you were talking about giving it credibility.

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  22. You did a great setting the stage for you story. I was not entirely sure what you were going to talked about and that is why I was interested to read on and her what you had to say. The fact that it seemed like this story was something you had heard a few times from sources like your mother and that you knew what you were talking about gives this story credibility. Great job!

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  23. Great story! The only thing was I thought there was some information in the story when it was not needed. It felt as if it dragged on. Also in the beginning you had your mom tell you to decide from fact or fiction. That threw me off and gave me the opinion to choose for my self which was different from the other stories.

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  24. Your story is awesome. You grab my attention right at the beginning. There're some grammar errors. But you have such a descriptive language which makes it really easy to follow. Nice job!

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  25. Great story, I liked it. I love the stories going down generation to generation and that does give it some credibilty. I would say (correct me if I'm wrong) but the majority of stories that are passed generation to generation have some truth to them, even if its a grain of truth, its still there. There is some grammar errors but those are easily fixable. Great story!

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